Hi beautiful soul! I am grateful to see you here!

I didn’t plan to suddenly drop the life I had and fly off to Peru. I didn’t plan to drop a well-established professional career and everything with it, pack my life and move countries, yet again, after being stuck for many years in a materialistic world that I thought I would be happy in. It just happened. I felt constantly suffocated, restless, anxious and very depressive. Right on the edge. I couldn’t understand anything anymore. It felt like a ticking bomb inside my heart. It was obvious that something was surfacing fast. There were many traumas I have not payed attention to but instead I have always masked and drowned them in negative, unhealthy and repetitive behavioural patterns. 

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So what is Soul or Spirit? How is the best way to define Soul? It's really hard to describe in words, as it is not something that we learn intellectually but something that we experience inside ourselves. I have lost the way to my Soul for many years, being hidden by the ego mind. I thought that life is this: I have to always do, plan, and strive for things. Soul or Spirit is who you truly are, behind the ego masks we purposely put on. Our soul travels through space since many many years carrying all sorts of karmic baggage. And my soul felt very heavy. In a certain moment, something sparked inside and I decided to follow, all my attention shifted to what's happening inside and from there all my life has changed..

Spirituality

I have started to ask about spirituality few years ago in Indonesia, until that moment I didn’t believe a word of it. But something happened, my heart somehow started to take back the force I have once lost. And I started asking the right questions, finally, after so many blinded years! I learned about meditation, about what conscious breathing actually means, what spirituality is..and where to actually look to heal my wounds. With an open heart, I started to dig deeper than ever before. Meditation changed my life completely, that's how all started for me by simply being still and quiet. Quite a paradox.

What is spirituality? Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all in our hearts. Like your sense of purpose, your personal definition of spirituality may change throughout your life, adapting to your own experiences and relationships. While spirituality may incorporate elements of religion, it is generally a broader concept. Religion and spirituality are not the same thing, nor are they entirely distinct from one another. Spirituality is about meaning in life, connection to everything, value.. 

I have always identified with an addictive behaviour, somehow I believe it was born with me, like a temporary band aid for the pain I had inside. One year after I returned from Indonesia, in one random day I watched a documentary about Ayahuasca and in that moment, I knew that I have to follow this strong calling. And this time, I listened, something greater than me was calling.. 

Traumas

I have always felt that somehow I am always protected as I have been arising from ashes many times but I just couldn’t understand why I had to suffer so much throughout this life..from childhood traumas, vicious circles, drugs, runaways, sexual abuse, toxic relationships, depression, serious panic attacks and the list would go on but I will leave it as that for now. And all these traumas are suppressed into our subconscious mind where they live in the shadow and keep having a massive negative impact on our well-being and day-to-day life.

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Psychological or emotional trauma is a type of damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. Many people go for years living with the symptoms of emotional and psychological trauma as their world grows steadily smaller. The effects of untreated psychological trauma can be devastating and infiltrate nearly every aspect of an individual’s life. 

I was ready to face my demons. It didn't take long and I packed my life, booked a one-way ticket and off I went back to Europe where I was born. Booked my first ever Ayahuasca retreat in Mallorca and from there things started to unravel in a very phenomenal and fast way. One month after the retreat, I was in Peru working with an Ayahuasca center and continuing my healing. And believe me, it’s not an easy work, healing yourself requires a lot of courage to face your shadows, to open every single wound and dig deep inside no matter how painful it is. Healing with Ayahuasca is about acknowledging your traumas and facing your pain all over again. And I have seen and felt things that are hard to describe in words. 

Ayahuasca 

Mother Ayahuasca. Who knew? Or who believed that plants actually have a spirit too and they speak and heal. It all seemed a sci-fi movie at the beginning even after intense research, my mind was bending with a powerful force to keep me stuck. Being programmed in such depth, it's hard to change the belief system, we need proof, always. Having an adventurous and curious spirit, I surrendered to whatever was going on in the moment and intentionally opened myself to new experiences. To whatever life was throwing at me. 

With Ayahuasca, you have to surrender. Because She knows, She feels, She penetrates your soul and body and shows you what you need to see, tells you what you need to know, heals what She feels needs healing. She is the Mother of all Plants, her Spirit will shake you to your core and then bring you back to your beautiful Heart. 

Healing

Here is my reward, after 3 years of intense inner work which started with meditation and yoga and continuing with plant dietas, Ayahuasca ceremonies, Huachuma ceremonies and many other amazing plants, my life has completely changed, my body feels light and healthy, I made peace with my mind, my traumas are understood, healed and forgiven, my heart shining, my soul is light. I feel whole, courageous and authentic.

I have learned more than I could possibly learn in a life time and I still do. So much more to learn at every single step we make. I am open hearted and grateful for every single moment I experience. I take life easy just as it comes, I live it in a completely different manner than before. Every person I meet is a blessing, a teacher. I have a tremendous respect for Mother Nature and everything that she has to offer. And a lot of love and compassion in my heart. And my Journey through this life continues...

Life is more than what our mind is constructing, life can be beautiful if you look at it with an open heart. Everything is temporary, the bad and the good and you can simply shift the energy of it by realising this simple thought. Emotional intelligence is important just as much as being still and training the monkey mind (your attention spam). Boundaries and self-love are important for our own sake and well-being. You can truly experience the JOY of being present! A great outcome can arise from developing a discipline with yourself, like changing bad habits that don't serve you anymore to healthy ones that can actually help you become the best version of You.  

If you are curious to find out more about my journey, let’s talk! Having worked in a healing center I have finally discovered what I love to do most and that is helping others! Maybe through my life experience, I could help you too on your journey!